i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
