As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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