I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
