just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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