We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've blown a few things in my day
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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