Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
