dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
