Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
