apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
