i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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