did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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