I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need a beard to bite.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
