So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dignity is for republicans.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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