you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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