I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
