Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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