see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
