Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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