Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
