I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
As shirtless as possible
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Vodka?
Forever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
