Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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