she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
