Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm at about main and main street
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
