i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
