I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
