no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
