worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
