Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
