living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You have to summon your inner elephant
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
