Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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