i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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