Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
