he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
