So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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