What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Randomize
