So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
