No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
