Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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