so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
