She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
