Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
