I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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