Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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