I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
