you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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