ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
