I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
