Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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