One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Randomize
