I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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