is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
