New low: just hacked my moms facebook
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
